As those of you who know me in 3D life know, I am a chronic over-thinker. Seriously. When I get something good to wrap my brain around I am like a dog with a fucking bone. I am also a Libra, which means I'm fair-minded and balanced and can see legitimacy in both sides of any argument. This serves me well in my career, where I basically get paid to place annoying ads that get in the way of whatever you’re trying to do online think. But in my personal life, it can be a bit of a problem. When I’m faced with a moral quandary in my relationships, it can be a struggle for me to figure out what the right thing to do is. The more I think about it, the more nooks and crannies I find to think about, and I whip myself into a frenzy of wheel-spinning that goes on and on and on until Nick comes along and tells me to stop over-thinking and gives me a course of action. One of my favourite topics to work over in my brain is appropriate behaviour in relationships. We all know the big things we are and are not supposed to do, but there’s a lot of grey area involved that can make things messy. It’s enough to make an over-thinker’s brain explode.

So today we’re going to over-think together. I’m going to give you some scenarios, tell you my thoughts, and you tell me in the comments what you think is the appropriate thing to do. Sounds fun, right? Let’s do it. Scenario 1: You are a man in a relationship. You go to a party without your girl. A woman you met at the party begins flirtatiously rubbing your bald head because “she loves bald heads”. Is this okay? Is it more or less inappropriate if the woman is unattractive? My thoughts on the one hand: On the one hand, I guess the man’s not crossing a line because he’s technically not doing anything. And while rubbing a relatively strange man’s head can definitely be construed as flirtatious – if not outright seductive – behaviour, the act itself is pretty innocuous. So I guess it’s not that bad. And on the other hand: I think rubbing any part of your body should be the exclusive domain of your girlfriend. Why is it necessary for a strange woman to rub your head like you’re a fucking lamp giving out free wishes? Fall the fuck back you fresh bitch! Scenario 3: You are a woman with a boyfriend. You invite a man on whom you have a crush (but with whom you have no romantic or sexual history) to come by your apartment to pick up something. Are you inappropriate?

In general I’m opposed to being alone in private spaces with men who are not your boyfriend, unless said man is related to you by blood. Otherwise you’re putting yourself in a situation that is conducive to trouble. Add to that the fact that the woman in this scenario had a crush on this dude and he remains unconquered. The female ego is a bitch and it will compel her to look and smell as good as she possibly can to show this dude what he’s been missing. She might fuck around and succeed and then he makes a move and she’s in a world of trouble. And on the other hand: On the other hand I think she just invited the dude to pick something up, not to come over and blow out her back. It’s entirely possible for him to come by, grab his shit, and bounce before anything pops off. And if you can’t trust your girl to make sure that that’s the way things play out then you have bigger relationship problems on your hands. Scenario 2: You are in an exclusive relationship (you can be a man or a woman in this situation). But your phone and computer still contain folders filled with pictures of your previous partner’s private parts. You occasionally look at them. Is this wrong?

My thoughts on the one hand: Looking at pictures is just that – looking at pictures. As long as the looking is not followed by a suggestive text message or inviting phone call, what’s the harm at looking at a little smut? It’s no different from porn. And on the other hand: On the other hand I think it is different from porn, just for the simple fact that the private parts belong to someone who used to make you scream the lord’s name on a regular. I feel like that makes this at best line-stepping and at worst a gateway to creeping. Plus if you’re in the mood to look at some dick pics and your choice is between your ex and your next, why would you choose your ex? So there you go guys – three situations to work over in your brains. What do you guys think? Which of these are perfectly harmless and which of these are crossing a line? Weigh in, discuss, and whatnot in the comments.